Wednesday, 26 September 2007

Woman Abuse in Mauritius

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The form of abuse that I witness everyday is the abuse against women. No, these women are not physically or sexually abused (that is, not yet) but they sure are abused in a way that I guess not even them are aware of. I don't know how to name that form of abuse but I sure can describe it to you with some examples of incidents I've witnessed.

There is a girl who was a friend of mine, let's name her X and there was a guy who is well, an acquaintance, let's name him Y.

X used to be a very social, outgoing and fun-loving girl. There was no problem about that. She had friends and her friends were like her. That's until she met Y. At first the guy was OK with the way she is.

I met X last year after some years of not meeting and it was weird the extent to which she had changed. She was a completely different person. confused
And then I got to know through some friends that X's boyfriend has imposed many things upon her. Namely, not hanging out in places like the cafeteria (yeah the university cafet! duh! rolleyes), not speaking to other guys, that is classmates and the boyfriend's friends and most importantly, not to hang out with her original girl friends! Now what do you think of that? Outrageous?! Well, this is quite common around here (not applicable to all guys but still...). What the guy is doing is forcing a person to isolate herself from her friends and social life and this dudettes and dudes, is a type of abuse.

And the guy, he keeps going on with his social life as usual. That is, he hangs out in night clubs, wants to date girls and I saw him on various occasions "hugging" some random chicks right in front of the cafeteria, wise of him to tell his girl not to go around there, huh? He is "preserving" his long time girlfriend for the wedding, if you know what I mean.

As for the girl, she seems OK with the present situation, obediently accepting the rules, venerating her boyfriend and she has severed all contacts with her old friends.

As for me I don't know what to do. It hurts to see her like this. You think she is happy? I don't. She does not know about her boyfriend's other life. This illusion of a happy couple life brings her a fallacious happiness.

This has happened to so many women before. While still in the boyfriend-girlfriend stage the girl feels flattered if the guy shows some jealousy. It's like "oh my god, he cares". Yeah he cares! He thinks you're his object. And then when the couple gets married and the guy is totally assured that the woman is his for the rest of his life, then the true story begins. You'll see the whole series of physical abuse, sexual abuse, moral abuse, verbal abuse, you name it. Now how does if feel to be the property of someone? That's when the woman sees the true aspect of her husband but most of the time in our Mauritian society it is too late! Marriage is the ultimate holy step and you can't back down (mostly in Hindu marriages). The woman gets to live with the man she thought she knew for the rest of her life, looking after her children. She will most probably not be allowed to work, just to prevent her from being in contact with other men.

So, how do we put an end to that?

My take is that women should simply avoid getting in a relationship with men like that. It sounds easy saying it. In the case of my friend, she is way too in love to realise that she is being abused. I know she won't believe me if I told her the truth about her boyfriend. But she does need support, even though the help was not solicited by her. I sure hope she reads this. It is never too late to quit and start your life anew. Every woman has the right to freedom, freewill and happiness. And if this post helps at least one person. I'll be the happiest girl around. smile
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33 comments:

  1. Hi hun, i know about the girl you are talking about and i agree with you. You are so right. Women are abused a lot in Mauritius, even physically, sexually, morally, and in every other way.
    I just hope this situation changes. I think we should consider us lucky if there are no abuses in our home.

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  2. Stop abuse against women? Sure. But I know no two ways of going about it. Only one. Women have got to wake up and realise they are no one's slaves, that they can have a life of their own, that it's not a flaw not to be stupid and to be able to stand up for one's beliefs and opinions.

    A friend recently told me to open my eyes and see how women are now considered to be the equals of men in Mauritius. Yeah, right. And by the way, the sun is waking up south tomorrow. Oh, and the friend is a woman, who loyally lives by the 'Just be beautiful and shut up!' rule.

    Yes, i am a feminist big time.
    No, i wasn't born one.

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  3. I know what you are talking about. It's so sad to see when someone lets themselves be treated this way. I hope you friend finds help.

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  4. bansuri, yup but some women derive some weird pleasure in playing men's carpet rug. Waking them up isn't easy. It's almost impossible. The best thing that can happen is that the girl somehow realises that she's being walked on constantly.

    stacy, yup i sure do hope that too ;)

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  5. moo you know I can't help but agree with you!

    But I hope your "friend" is not you~ :S

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  6. hihi, nope it's not me ush! lol... so sweet that you're worried about me. if it had been me i would not have stayed with the guy at all and there would be no need to write this up.

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  7. Morinn President! Morinn President!!! LOL

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  8. yash, akoz mo conten nek dormi ek pa fr narien sa? :S hihi

    akoz lerla banker mo kav assure le post!

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  9. The thing with any form of domestic violence is, that it's gradual. The abuser starts off slowly. He (or she) can appear very charming in the beginning. As things escalate, the victim loses a feeling of self worth and often enough begins to think it's all their own fault.

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  10. people and men most specially need to realise that they can't be a man while torturing someone else. respect is gained by respecting other.

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  11. Ok, nice comment, but let me present another point of view.

    This girl is suffering a type of abuse very common, yes I agree, but here this is very common for the boys two. On every corner you'll find girls that rules her respective boyfriends. I lost some friends for a long time because this.

    This kind of violence is terrible, but happens with anyone. This is a mutual feeling, you can be sure.

    “If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine.”

    I love your posts, you have a fan.

    P.S: tell me if I committed a mistake. my english is not so well, like you can see.

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  12. The biggest problem I have come across is the people involved in it do not recognise, even if they do, wont admit there is a problem, putting it down to every relationship has its ups and downs.It is changing that attitude that is the challenge!!

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  13. Ummm Morinn...this is a two way street you know. I once dated a girl who I can swear was some tangential descendant from Hitler. Jeez she was jealous if I talked to my sis! I had a miserable 2 years of my life.

    Yeah go on ask me why I stayed around for two year - she was the daughter of my mother's boss (lucky me right!?) and her mother often reminded me and my mom of this "co incidence"

    Lol!

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  14. mo in reali like what u wrote morinn..mais mo prefer pa faire en commentaire lor la..non laise li.mo prefer pa dire much lor la..sinon to pou dire mo moV..

    what u wrote is very popular 2d among young couples..ceki garcon la dire..sa meme tifi pou faire..garcon la pou dire li pa cose r lot garcon.tifi pou dire"oui cheri"..
    garcon la pou dire li pa ale tel place..tifi pou dire"oui gat mo pa pou aler"

    alors..comment to trouver..to kpv dire ki 2 sm extent tifi la osi li 2 b blame..li pa bsn reste en "yes gurl"
    (ceki pan cmprnd ki v dire en "yes gurl"apres mo expliK zot bien)
    comment ton explik..si tifi la dire garcon la stop talk 2 gurls..ect..to croire garcon la pou accpt?b tifi bsn dire li..if he can speaks to other girls and befriend other girls..why can't she befriend ohter guys?there's nothing wrong in that..
    mais comment nu dire..
    LOVE IS BLIND! ! !

    anyway..single rulz! !apres kot koner..pou clap..bsn 2 la main! !

    {mo koner..la..ena dimoune kpv vin kill mwa tou la..mais ceki pa kone mwa..b kone mwa alors..suis ruthless..apres mo bien frank..}

    aster coming to physically,sexually,morally abuse in everyday life.the rate 2 which those are increasing are astonishing..certain men take their wives as their personal property
    (bon.mwa personelment..mo pa encore trouve sa situation la 2vant mwa.mais in 2ja come cross sa dan ban journal..articles..complains..
    cases)sa mentality la bsn change..nowadays both men and women are equal..
    bon.time limited la.nxt time mo continue sa.promise..
    (btw promises are made to be broken:p)
    bansuri->ur frd was rite.in many situation/fields women are considered to be equal like men.(si to pa believe me.apres mo ava give twa lots of examples.)alors.mo pa koner kifer ton servi z comment of 2main sun will wk up in south.
    lire bien ceki mo in write.i did not say that the situation is a perfect one where there is a perfect balance of equal.there's stil lot 2 do 2 achieve that nearly perfect balance"

    somethg off topic..jt 2 mk u realised that women are considered 2 b equal like men..some time back.i went 2 attend a drug case at a court.(mo in blier un peu..acoz li un peu old sa)(the accused was a lady).the magistrate was on point 2 sentence her but the lady told the magistrate that{its not the exact words that she used but nearly}
    "mo en madam my lord.mo ena zenfant.sil vous plait.mo regret ceki mo in faire n mo pa pou refair sa"
    the magistrate said smthg like men and women are equal in society..and thus the punishment is equal..

    p:s morinn si ena smthg pa gud in zat.to kpv block comment la n faire mwa koner..mo pou review it n re snd u..hv a nice D.

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  15. well written post morinn. i am subscribing to your blog now.

    okk regarding this post, i think its only one side of the coin. i have friends who tell me how they are under stress because of their gf. i feel its not abuse.its the requirement of any relationship. u can not remain as bachelor when u are in relationship. and if the person involved are happy then let it be,

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  16. I agree with you @ 99.9999% :D

    lol
    Guette Tushal ene coup, samem so coz tigit la. Mo demande Morinn excuse Tushal acoz so maniere sa; 'spam' partout. ROFL

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  17. tushal:

    i think you misread, my friend never said women are considered to be the equals of men 'in many situations/fields', she commented that women in Mauritius are now considered to be the equals of men, fullstop. Which is completely untrue. Sure, if you tell me that in many situations now women are considered the equals of men, i completely agree.

    And why I used the comment about the sun waking up south tomorrow? Coz i believe that the probability of that happening = the probability of women being considered the equals of men in Mauritius one day. And i am here talking about equality between men and women 'in all situations/fields'.

    Cheerios!

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  18. quote
    "And why I used the comment about the sun waking up south tomorrow? Coz i believe that the probability of that happening = the probability of women being considered the equals of men in Mauritius one day. And i am here talking about equality between men and women 'in all situations/fields'."

    ur probability is not good..return to school! !:p
    it will happen..it is happening slowly slowly..

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  19. :)

    I do not consider myself to be a pessimist, but let's just say you are a great deal more optimistic than I am!

    Cheers.

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  20. Hello people! :P

    Zotte ine bien fr dezord kan mo pa ti la! hihi

    what I wanted to say is that I respect all of your opinions and thanks for the feedbacks. Nothing will be deleted. God knows how much I love controversies! hihi! So have fun and keep on bashing each other! XD

    *morinn slowly moves away unnoticed*

    ok, seriously i believe that matters cannot be generalized concerning this issue. Individual cases have to be taken into consideration. And not to forget that some women have been conditioned to be happy while serving their husbands. They truly see this as a privilege.

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  21. Some like to abuse and some like to be abused. Guess they have to be strong and stand up against it.

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  22. Quote
    "Some like to abuse and some like to be abused. Guess they have to be strong and stand up against it."

    mo termine sa discussion la par ceki sa camarade la in dire..

    asterla mo in remark slash so post la..spam partou..laise mo trouve twa slash..p:s beeeep beeeeep..rofl..
    {bon.ban dimoune.mwa n slash nu pa pe la geurre la.en mari bon frd r mwa sa}

    Quote
    "be happy while serving their husbands. They truly see this as a privilege."
    eh xtra privilege sa! ! ! !apres la..pa pe cose husbands la....lol..
    Have a nice evening every1..

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  23. Too many men are control freaks and have insecurity issues. It's a shame.

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  24. well, sick sad world , im a guy! Mo ena ene opinion tres liberal en ce ki concern relationship before mariage, after that its another story.

    words of wisdom " before marriage, never let ur date interfere between u and ur friends and family.

    After the marriage, dont let friends and family betwen u and ur other half..."

    sincerely,
    Count Morphicus

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  25. This will surely go a long long way Morinn. Awareness is very important to help women who suffer from the indirect abuse their partners impose on them. No matter how indirect the abuse is, that will surely pave the way for harsher restriction and dictatorship on women's liberty. Women should know.

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  26. mo croire ki tifi la p bisin koner a propos garson la mais li pa p envi kit li paski cav garson la populaire oubien li ena 1 high position or smefin like that.
    Mo pa croire tifi zordi zour innocent.

    Enfin mo pa kone tifi la but there may be a reason behind all this

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  27. this is sometihng all girls always use, "we are weka we are being abused", being equal, you are supposed to defend yourself non? it doesn't work anymore like that, gals have used this card too much!

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  28. coumadir men are not abused or harassed by women.

    faut pas generalizE

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  29. selven g pa generaliser. mone pren 1 sel cas!cas mo cam la li imper grave. mo dak ki bne boug ossi zot abuser, maltraiter ek harceler par bne fam. sa si another issue.

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  30. I agree with u...I was wv a guy lik that for three years!! it gonna take time for yr frd to realise it...my bf deceived me 4 tyms by merry making wv other grls...n i wsnt allowed to even go out wv my frds...
    ena garcn penC zot kpav prevail over zenfant lezot...
    bt evntually i came out of it wv the help of my parents...esp my mum...
    let the parents of ur frd know...kapav zot pu change la situation...
    but en general...m dakor ther are girls also like that...bn tifi osi pa realiser wen they are hanging wv other's bf..??
    anyway...education is a big thing n i say gradually women will be able to overcome the situation

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  31. Thanks for sharing this V... You are right, with education women would come to overcome this.

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