Thursday, 23 July 2009

How to avoid sounding lame.

Today the weather is half crappy and half sunny and the same can be said about my mood. Since I was mean yesterday, I have decided to be generous today by giving out some tips that all of us might use at some point in our lives, so read carefully.

Have you ever felt so annoyed at something that you felt like using powerful words such as "pissed off", "fuck you" or "asshole" but was too much of a coward to use those words such that what you wrote turned out to be "p*ssed off", "fcuk you" or "@$$hole"? Apart from making you lose your own self-esteem, this will make you look more lame that what you already were.

So I've decided to do you a favour and advise you on how to proceed the next time by offering 2 simple alternatives.

Alternative 1:
Write everything you want to say (including all the pissed-offs, fuck yous and assholes) in a word processor and at the last minute find and replace all the words you are not brave enough to endorse by using synonyms (like in the example below where I have replaced "pissed off" with "particularly annoyed").

Note: You might sound pretentious if you keep on using anything apart from "pissed off".

Alternative 2:
This one is a lot simpler than the first one and consists of 2 steps.

Step 1: All that you need to do is to stop using those small characters found just above numbers on your keyboard. Everything that renders stuff like "~!@#$%^&*()_ should be avoided. First because they make you look like an asshole, second because 100% of words in the English dictionary do not comprise of those characters.

Step 2: Gather up your courage and type "pissed off" correctly. Come on, it's not that complicated and if you are genuinely pissed off, you should be able to claim it. Let's do it together: P I S S E D O F F. It wasn't that difficult, was it?

You can now write those words correctly, without sounding like a cowardly moron and at the same time you will be allowing people to see just how awesome you are.

So, a next time instead of writing "I am so p*ssed off at this @$$hole. Fcuk him!" write "I am so pissed of at this asshole. Fuck him!".

Damn! This is so poetic.

Briefly: You either write "pissed off" correctly or find synonymous words but don't use "p*ssed off" as a word.

Note that I rarely use "pissed off" in my posts, I find alternatives. :D


  1. Are you trying to get your blog being censored or placed in the adult category?

  2. It's obvious that you did not read the post before commenting. Next time try to grasp the purpose of the post and humour behind it.

  3. "Briefly: You either write "pissed off" correctly or find synonymous words but don't use "p*ssed off" as a word."

    Your point was summarized in one sentence ... you could have avoided the vulgar tirade and simply posted: Use synonymous words conveying your frustration in a polite manner ... instead of writing the whole post.

    btw, a google bot will simply see the swear words and not grasp the subtleness of your post ... dont be surprised when your page rank becomes zero.


  4. Read the paragraph below Alternative 1.

    I'm not looking for a Google PR, but yes we'll see when it's down to Zero.

    It seems that you lack a lot of sense of humour, work on that.

    Why waste your time commenting on strangers' blog when you don't read the post?

  5. It depends. If you do not matter about Search Engine Ranking Position then you can use the word as you want. However having lots of FUCK SUCK and SHIT on a site decrease your SERP value badly! (when i was on blogspot last year i got it badly lol). Of course if this does not matter to u...its better to use the words as they are. However if SERP matters 4u and you do not want to make your site blacklisted (like warez forums) but you still wanna let your reader know you wanted to say THAT word...then abbreviations or using chars are fine and is the trend on every site. Search engine sees it and know what they mean but will not label you as.... u know what.

  6. keep cool. i think this post has creative ideas. people should use the real swear or not swear at all. words like s*ck do not work

  7. @ Kurt Avish, fortunately I used those words for the sole purpose of this post and I don't make use of them on other posts.
    If anyone does read through my archives, swear words are not present.
    And I really don't mind Search Engine Ranking Position but I rarely use swear words!

  8. Yeah you got it. :) I guess my humour is hard to understand.

  9. When I was at "collez" I spent my time swearing. I think that "collez" years are those where you swear the most. Afterwards you just calm down. As I left the country to study in France I had to be even more cautious about the words I used as they do not have the same meaning in different contexts (e.g: "cocasse" as we mean it in Creole does not mean "cute" in French). With all these, I think that I progressively stopped swearing in Creole. I do swear when I'm really angry but I had to learn self control in my job. It is still hard to maintain but I do not swear at work nor do I do it on my public lifestream over the web.


  11. I love that screenshot. Hahaha. It's so funny. Agree with you. It's pissed off not p*ssed off.

    And Google will not care about you using these words. They are pretty common on the net. Anyway, its only one out of your 312 posts. ;)

  12. @ Sachin, I find it hard to swear in real, especially in creole. LOL

    @ Anonymous, AKA. coward, thanks for proving my point. 3 out of about 320 posts (0.009375 on 1), can truly be called rarely swearing. Thanks! :D

    @ Jevin, yeah exactly.

  13. "like in the example below where I have replaced "pissed off" with "particularly annoyed""

    haha 'particularly annoyed' sounds so Jane Austen!

  14. @ Yashi, and it would be better to pronounce the "particularly annoyed" with a thick English accent! :p

  15. people find it hard these days to call a gogot a gogot. i don't.

  16. OMG Keli you said "gogot". Now we are all going to have a PR of 0 and die of old age and fear.

  17. I'm particularly pleased by this article. I don't care about PR. If I want to swear, I swear. Period.(but I never really do that, the worse I can say is WTF) ;P

  18. Admire your courage, open-mindedness, and humour. Really. We should all call a spade a spade or (if you'll allow me) a gogot a gogot. ;)